How can I have a better relationship with my parents?

It’s great that you care to have a good relationship with your parents. That’s the first step towards a better relationship, which is very important for a healthy spiritual life and family life in the present and in your future. The more effort you put into having a better relationship with your parents, and the more you ask for it in prayer, the more it will bring fruit. We’ll focus on five main points that are very important: God in the family, quality time and communication, treating your parents with respect, obedience, and appreciation.

A family that is strongly rooted in God is a family that will enjoy peace and unity. Therefore, the most important thing is to make an effort to pray together as a family. We’ve always heard people say, “The family that prays together stays together”, and this is very true. This ensures that each member of the family has an active prayer life, and a growing relationship with God, but it also carries a special blessing for praying together, “For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them” (Matthew 18:20), and what a special daily blessing that is for a family. In addition to praying together, you can read the Bible together and get into the habit of attending the Liturgy together every Sunday. These practices keep your family tied to God, and help you to have a good relationship with your parents through God’s grace. 

Another key to having a good relationship with your parents is to spend time together as a family. For example, you can plan to have dinner together every night. If that isn’t possible because of their work hours or because of any other circumstances, you can set up one or two nights a week for this. Maybe once in a while, you can go out to dinner together. Another helpful suggestion is that when all of you are at home together, try not to just sit in your room alone the whole time, but try to sit together in the same area for some time so that you can talk and be around each other. Ask your parents how their day was and know what is going on in their lives. Tell them what is going on in your life too. Spending time together and having good communication is a very important part of having a good relationship with your parents.

Learning to treat your parents with respect is so important if you want to have a better relationship with them. Remember that this is one of the Ten Commandments. St. Paul said, “‘Honor your father and mother’, which is the first commandment with promise: ‘that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth’” (Ephesians 6:2 – 3). In the way you talk to them, and the way you respond to them, and even in the way you disagree with them and have different opinions, be respectful and courteous. So if you are rude with your parents or disrespectful in the way you talk to them, start honoring them from today and you will see the positive effects this will have on your relationship with them. It’s possible that you and your parents may have differences in opinions sometimes, or disagreements, but part of being respectful is also being patient. And remember that you have imperfections too, and there are certain things that you’re not very good at also, so learn to be patient with everyone in your family because they are not perfect either. Another important part of treating your parents well is lending a helping hand when they need it. Try to be as helpful as you can around the house, and whenever you feel that they need something done. If you drive, you can help them with many errands too. So be on the lookout for how you can help your parents and make their life a little easier. So, “Honor your father and mother in the manner the Lord your God commanded you, that it may be well with you” (Deuteronomy 5:16).

The fourth point that we will discuss is obedience. St. Paul the Apostle taught us, “Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right” (Ephesians 6:1) and “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is well pleasing to the Lord” (Colossians 3:20). Obey your parents and learn to take their blessing in all the major steps/decisions in your life. There is a special blessing to being an obedient son or daughter. We read in the Book of Proverbs, “My son, guard the laws of your father and do not depart from the rules of your mother. But fasten them to your soul continually and wear them as a collar upon your neck” (Proverbs 6:24 – 25). You can always consult with your father of confession if you are unsure about some of your parents’ wishes or advice, but as a general rule, be obedient to your parents and don’t make life hard for them by being argumentative and disobedient. That would certainly take a toll on your relationship.

Lastly, show your parents how much you appreciate them. Our parents go through so much in their life and work so hard to make us comfortable and give us the opportunities we have. They make many sacrifices and it’s very hurtful if they feel that we don’t appreciate what they do for us. So give your parents the appreciation they deserve, and show them that you are grateful for their love, their hard work, and for all that they have provided for you.

Having a better relationship with your parents may not necessarily be a very easy task, and things may not improve overnight, but if you make a conscious effort to keep God in the center of your family, spend time with your parents, respect them, obey them, and appreciate them, you will definitely be on the right track and you’ll start to see the fruits of your effort.