Certainly, it is possible that someone may decide to pursue monastic life when this path is actually not suitable for him. We shouldn’t label this as Satan’s trickery, because it could simply be the result of a hasty or immature decision. The more important question is, how do I know if this path is God’s will for me? Also, just as importantly, beware of unhealthy attitudes that can cloud your decision, which is what you may be referring to as the devil trying to trick you. First, let us discuss some of these attitudes that you must be cautious of, so that you can make decisions like this in a healthy spiritual way. Then we can discuss some means of discovering God’s will in this matter.
If you feel an inclination to celibacy, this does not directly imply that monastic life is the most suitable path for you. Certainly it is a necessary condition for monastic life, but it doesn’t necessarily mean that monasticism is the only path. Celibacy can be lived in the world with emphasis on service, or it can be lived in the monastery with an emphasis on prayer, worship, and solitude. Which path you choose in life is based on your talents and the way God shapes you and directs you. One path is not better than another, or holier than another, but it all depends on what you make of it and how faithful you are with what God has given you. It would not be right to go to the monastery if in the back of your mind you are thinking of the day you will leave to serve outside the monastery. You can serve as a consecrated deacon without becoming a monk, for example, if you choose the path of celibacy and service. The path of monasticism and the path of service in the world are equal, to those who love God and desire to please Him.
Also, if you love God with all your heart, celibacy and marriage are equal, because everything you do is focused on God in either case, and your love for Him drives you and guides you. If we look at the last 100 years of our Coptic Church, we find examples of saints who took all these various paths. There are numerous examples of monks who were saints, for example. There were monks who lived their whole life in the monastery, and were saints, and there were monks who became priests or bishops, and were also saints. There were many saints who didn’t become monks. Some of them were married, some of them were celibate. Some of them were priests, some of them were deacons. All of these are well known today and we recognize them for their holiness and righteousness and consider all of them saints, yet they took different paths in life. So the key to holiness isn’t which path you take, but taking the right path for YOU, the one that God designed YOU for, and being faithful in that path, striving towards God with all your might.
To make a healthy decision, you should be convinced that all of these options are equal, and none are inferior or superior. You should know that marriage is a very holy sacrament, with limitless possibilities for pleasing God and serving Him, and you shouldn’t feel that it is less than celibacy in any way. You should know that one path is not easier or harder than another. One is not more or less peaceful than another. The question is, which is the right path for YOU and through which path can you grow most in your love for God.
If it is God’s will for you to become a monk, you will have an intense desire for this path and this way of life. Understanding that monasticism itself is not a goal, but rather a means to achieving a goal, you will feel inclined to completely consecrate yourself to God in prayer, worship, contemplation, and solitude to achieve the goal of your salvation, and loving the Lord with all your heart, mind, and strength. This desire is the first sign of God’s will regarding this matter.
If you don’t have this desire, then you don’t need to think about this question right now. There are some very spiritual young men who are wondering whether or not they should consider monastic life simply because they feel that they should be thinking about it. They may see some of their good friends or some of their servants deciding to pursue monastic life, so they feel that they have to ask that question too, and find God’s will, even though they may not really have a desire for monastic life themselves. If you don’t have an interest in monasticism, it doesn’t mean that you don’t love God enough. You may have a yearning for God and an intense love for Him, but expressed in a different way. Only if you feel a strong desire towards the monastic life, should you then start exploring if this is God’s will for you. There are several points to keep in mind when asking this question, and we will try to touch on a few of them.
The three keys to discovering if it is God’s will for you to become a monk are prayer, honesty, and time. Prayer is number one, two and three. If it is God’s will for you to become a monk, He will make that very clear to you if you have a regular prayer life. He will guide you to the decision, the monastery, and the right time. Praying regularly is the key to exploring God’s will for any decision in life. In addition, make sure you dedicate time during your prayer to ask for God’s will regarding this matter.
It is also extremely important for you to be completely honest with yourself and your father of confession, about all your feelings and your motives. Your father of confession has a very significant role in guiding you, and helping you examine yourself and discover God’s will. For example, make sure that your desire for monastic life is not based on a desire to escape from any of life’s difficulties. This is something you should be honest about with yourself. Also, if you feel a desire to get married and have companionship and a family, don’t try to suppress it. It may be God’s will for you to get married and have a family, and this may be the best path for you to grow in your love for God, to serve Him, and to assure your salvation. Also, if you feel a strong desire to serve God in your community, don’t suppress this feeling. Perhaps God has chosen you to serve and to be an example in your community of holiness, purity, and the love of God in today’s world. Be honest with yourself about the feelings in your heart, be honest with yourself about those attitudes that we mentioned, making sure that your mentality is a spiritually healthy one, and be honest with your father of confession. If you are, there’s no doubt that you’ll be able to see the path God is directing you to.
The third key is time. Don’t hurry in making this decision, instead take your time and give yourself a few years to examine your feelings. It is common for some young men to have a strong inclination towards monastic life for some time, and then God leads them in a different direction. This is all normal and a part of God shaping your heart and directing you. You should leave yourself in God’s hands and try not to resist the inclinations that you feel, so that God can reveal the best path for you. And if you continue to have the inclination for monastic life as the years pass by, and you find that it isn’t changing, then with the guidance of your father of confession, you may be ready to take the next step. However, many of our church fathers recommend waiting until past the age of 25 before making this commitment. This also gives you a chance to finish school and experience working, which are very important for a healthy monastic life also. It also gives you time to go on retreats in the monastery, and experience a taste of monastic life frequently, which is a very important part of your decision making. This way, you can test yourself and feel in your heart if this is the best path for your spiritual growth.
May God bless you and guide you.
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